Recycled / pasted together from various Facebook status updates and craftily passed off as my own original work, SuperMegaNet ep. 7.2, “Honkey Kong,” is now live over at that place where all the dead sea lions washed up.
“Oh, for crying out—to hell with both of you!” Mini scampers onto the ground and starts across the driveway. “I’ll take care of this myself!”
I watch him go, toddling, tripping, cursing, toddling some more, tripping again…and I realize he’s destined for doom. Even if he makes it all the way to the top of Mrs. Goodale’s girder palace, what then? Throw Ernie over his shoulder and book like the dickens? Fight Mrs. Goodale to the death? Either way he’s going to be crushed—and I’ll admit, while part of me would like to be rid of the plushness, another more exasperating part is wondering: What happens to me if Mini dies? Does a part of me die, too? Do I die?
The premise: Theo battles Mrs. Goodale—er, Womack—atop an 8-bit girder palace. Read the full episode here.
(Via SlugBooks Studios.)
Flail your arms angrily if you’ve ever shelled out the big bucks for an unused textbook and lived to tell about it.
I’m not going to pretend it hasn’t been forever since my last SuperMegaNet post. I’m not even going to post a list of boring, I-was-too-busy-earning-my-daily-bread excuses (and there are plenty). What I will do is announce the releasing of episode 7.1 unto the interwebs—my first crack at making good on my New Year’s resolution of actually writing more often. Of course, since I only did seven episodes last year, I’d theoretically have to write a mere eight this year to fulfill my own expectations. Small goals.
“There’s good news and bad news,” Mini says to Jan. “The good news is that you’re not dead. Thankfully Robbie’s pedophone had progressive downloading enabled. Your whole body was downloaded in multiple passes of increasing resolution instead of at full-res from top to bottom. Otherwise, you might have materialized on this end a lifeless torso with a smoldering stump where your head should be. Or an upper torso without legs. Or—”
I cut Mini off with a squeeze. “I think he gets the idea.”
The premise: Theo arrives at the shopping plaza to find that Jan has downloaded in one piece. Well, sort of. Read the full episode here.
(Via Amanda Blain.)
I too grew up in an era when…
- …the only way to properly front-load an NES game was to stuff several slices of Wonder Bread between the cartridge and the upper cabinet.
- …you had to flip the tape over to finish listening to an album, and the term “Walkman” wasn’t merely a part of speech used by children asking their parents what they listened to before MP3s.
- …it was okay to be a guy and to wear skintight pink jeans.
- …HBO’s Feature Presentation intro was more fun than the movie it preceded.
- …texting someone in class meant scribbling a note on a piece of paper and asking the kid sitting next to you to pass it along before the teacher saw.
- …Jay Leno’s hair was more pepper and less salt.
- …children asked for actual dogs for Christmas (and not Nintendogs).
- …you left the TV on overnight during the winter as a cheaper alternative to traditional indoor heating.
- …Phil Collins was the shit.
- …Facebook was just a no-no left behind in one of Mark Zuckerberg’s diapers.
- …Omni Magazine still walked the Earth.
The 80′s are dead. Long live the 80′s.
From the Stranger Things Have Happened department, a new episode of that ridiculous webserial you’ve never heard of has been posted by way of electrified hypertext.
I glance at my phone. My SuperMegaNet buddy list is empty. In its place: the word “disconnected,” accompanied by a suicidal-looking emoticon wearing the saddest frown you ever saw. Pushing the app into the background, I try calling Jan, try texting him via good ol’ fashioned SMS—because I want to know if he’s all right, and because I can’t pick him up if I don’t know where he is.
I look at Beta. “Isn’t there something you can do?”
“I could do a search for ‘GPS hacking’ on YouTube,” he suggests.
I frown. “Not helpful.”
The premise: Theo grudgingly teams up with Mini to find Jan…who may or may not still be in one piece on the other end of a botched download. Read the full episode here.
Applies to writers as well.
“…the studios want me to be in Terminator 5 and to star AS the Terminator, which we start shooting in January…” (Source)
They’re doing it. T5 is actually happening—which begs the question: How will the film’s producers go about acknowledging (or denying) the 30 years of steady aging Arnold Schwarzenegger has done since the first film? Here are a few ideas:
- Industrial Light & (Face) Magic. Lots of it.
- Full beard and sunglasses welded to Arnold’s face at all times.
- 7-layer dip in lieu of traditional face makeup.
- All Arnold’s closeups shot from a minimum distance of 50 feet.
- Kevin Smith-grade overcoat (must meet or exceed federal guidelines).
- Octogenarian in the shot with Arnold at all times, so as to make him appear youthful by comparison.
- All walking scenes shot upside down to minimize disturbance of neck wattle.
- Climbing scenes – Arnold starts at the top and works his way down; shot is reversed in post.
- Running scenes – Footage recycled seamlessly from the airport scene in The Running Man.
- Start rumor that Brent Spiner is reprising his role as Data in the next Star Trek; use as smokescreen.
Looks like another SuperMegaNet episode is out. In Otto’s own words, “You think you get them all, but you forget about the eggs.” And so forth.
Okay, so, if a plush manifestation of your spunk gets hit by a car, do you feel the impact?
Regardless of the answer, I brace myself, squeezing my eyes shut, gritting my teeth, and going rigid from head to toe. Just so I’ll be ready when it hits me. Which, it turns out, it doesn’t. There’s no physical pain or discomfort, only the social awkwardness of having just performed an impromptu constipation impression—for no reason—in front of Beta…and the fact that my butt crack has inadvertently swallowed the seat of my pants.
Which is what happens when you flex too hard.
The premise: Jan at last downloads into Theo’s bedroom—only to find that he’s not welcome. Sort of. Read the full episode here.