New Room

New SuperMegaNet posted. It goes something like this:

“Why not just watch straight porn in which both partners are equally hot?”

“Hot guys don’t have technique. And besides, the porn industry never casts hot guys. Hetero men are too afraid of being turned on by some gorgeous dude’s smokin’ meat. That’s why hetero porn stars are so grotesque—it’s to keep straight guys from getting sexually confused.”

“If you’re just going to use your imagination anyway,” I say, “then find straight porn that has a gross guy with great technique, and, er, substitute.”

“I’m comfortable with my system. What do you have against gay porn anyway?”

“I…nothing. It’s not the gay porn that’s…I just think I’m pretty sure that…” I try to work out in my head how to explain that I’ve seen straight porn starring attractive guys (not that I noticed or anything) without admitting that I’ve ever watched porn or noticed attractive guys before, but ultimately my brain forfeits, my belief suspending itself regarding this new musclebound variation of Kevin freaking Solo and his masturbatory habits. “Maybe the guys in straight porn are smokin’, but you just can’t tell because you’re straight.”

“Interesting theory. We should totally crowdfund a study.”

The premise: Sporting a newly-torrented skin, Beta divulges his rather unorthodox methods of keeping house…and consuming pornography. Read the full episode here.

BU2B

The dusty corpse that is SuperMegaNet has been dragged out of its coffin and dressed up for yet another episode. The sooner we get through this, the sooner it’ll be over:

“It’s not the money.” I think for a second. “Well, it is the money, I guess. Mom and I make more than enough to cover all our expenses. Dad’s income is what goes into the savings account, or pays for any miscellaneous stuff. He’ll never admit it, but staying with Mr. Nakayoshi is his way of keeping his pride. He makes less than us, he took my mom’s surname when they married, he does all the cooking—not that I’m saying any of that is uncool or anything. I just think my dad’s having a hard time with it. Like, he wants to be this modern-day, trendy dad who lets his business-minded wife head the household with him as support, but his old-school upbringing won’t let him live it down. His job is what makes him a father and a husband, and not just some dude living in my mom’s house.”

“That’s deep,” Jan says—the universal response to something heartfelt and meaningful that you’ve only partially understood.

The premise: Struggling to come to terms with the growing tensions between his parents, Theo ends up flipping out. Literally. Read the full episode here.

The Great Spandex Debate

A new SuperMegaNet episode has slipped past quality control:

“Spandex is the polite version of naked. Everyone knows that.”

“Okay, wearing Spandex is not the same as going naked.”

“You could spray-paint your bare buns and get the same effect. Just saying.”

Theo’s mom snickers. “Spray paint shorts wouldn’t be shorts at all—you’d still be naked. Compression shorts have contour. They define, yes, but you still can’t actually see what’s underneath.”

“You don’t need to see what’s underneath. You’ve already got the gist of it. That’s the point.”

The premise: Theo’s parents are arguing…about Spandex. Read the full episode here.