The Oatmeal Man Indiegogo Occurrence

(Don’t let the scandalous video thumbnail above throw you: The Oatmeal Man is so much more than just bikini babes. It’s bikini babes and oatmeal. If that sort of thing tickles your fancy, read on…)

Okay, the ADD version: spare some change?

The long version: A few years ago the bro and I started making a comedy / horror movie called The Oatmeal Man. Well, Sean made the movie—I merely compiled the screenplay from bits of copied and pasted Facebook status updates, and showed up on set at inconvenient times to complain about how all my interpretive dance scenes were being misdirected (they were removed from the final cut). Just kidding…maybe. Regardless, we’ve been working on the thing steadily in our spare time, between the ol’ day job(s) and yer good ol’ fashioned familial obligations. Now, thanks to what I can only describe as an amazingly talented group of cast and crew warriors, it’s done. Finally. Principal photography (whatever that means) has been completed, the film has been edited, and all that remains is the pressing of DVDs, the ordaining of a little on-demand distribution.

To that end, we’ve set up an Indiegogo campaign to help raise funds for The Oatmeal Man’s impending release. You can contribute as much or as little as you want. If you don’t want to contribute monetarily, no worries. Share the campaign link on your Facebook or Twitter page—or, and this is what I plan to do, climb into your neighbors’ bedroom windows at night and whisper the campaign URL into their ears repeatedly until the police arrive.

So, there you go. My little “help feed the (oatmeal) children” spiel. The Oatmeal Man isn’t going to win any fancy awards or go down in record book history as Horror Film with the Highest Fiber Content, but it will be fun. It’s a comedy / horror flick for people who like cheese on their TV screen as well as on their pizza. If that gets you salivating, then let’s make beautiful breakfast together.

Just so you know what you’re getting into:

Let’s sow some wild Oates. ;)

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In Ernie’s Time of Dying

I’m still lagging this month, but have nevertheless managed to squeeze out a new SuperMegaNet episode despite tax season, the time change, and the heady pleasures of book formatting.

Obligatory excerpt:

Putting Mini in my pocket, I ascend the final ladder and climb onto the topmost platform, where Ernie lies wrecked.

(Before we go any further, I should point out that Ernie is by no means a polite or gentle snorer. He’s one of those people who sleeps with his head thrown back and his mouth wide open, the most horrendous gurgling, choking, and wheezing noises emanating from somewhere deep down inside his throat. There are literally Z’s rising above his head. How his body is getting enough oxygen is beyond me.)

I crawl over to where he is. His sleeping bag is bundled tight—like a cocoon—and his neatly-parted hair glistens with some kind of viscous pomade. His shirt collar is buttoned tight around his neck. “Ernie?” I whisper, poking him.

The premise: Theo struggles to come to terms with Mrs. Womack’s “death,” as well as the whole perceptive flux thing in general. Meanwhile, Mini suggests a radical, sexy miracle cure for Ernie’s mystery illness. Read the full episode here.

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Honkey Kong

Recycled / pasted together from various Facebook status updates and craftily passed off as my own original work, SuperMegaNet ep. 7.2, “Honkey Kong,” is now live over at that place where all the dead sea lions washed up.

Obligatory excerpt:

“Oh, for crying out—to hell with both of you!” Mini scampers onto the ground and starts across the driveway. “I’ll take care of this myself!”

I watch him go, toddling, tripping, cursing, toddling some more, tripping again…and I realize he’s destined for doom. Even if he makes it all the way to the top of Mrs. Goodale’s girder palace, what then? Throw Ernie over his shoulder and book like the dickens? Fight Mrs. Goodale to the death? Either way he’s going to be crushed—and I’ll admit, while part of me would like to be rid of the plushness, another more exasperating part is wondering: What happens to me if Mini dies? Does a part of me die, too? Do I die?

The premise: Theo battles Mrs. Goodale—er, Womack—atop an 8-bit girder palace. Read the full episode here.

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You are /dev/null to me.

dev-null poster - black

You are /dev/null to me.

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That One Paragraph

Slugbooks - Thanks, Einstein

(Via SlugBooks Studios.)

Flail your arms angrily if you’ve ever shelled out the big bucks for an unused textbook and lived to tell about it. ;)

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Lost Bytes

I’m not going to pretend it hasn’t been forever since my last SuperMegaNet post. I’m not even going to post a list of boring, I-was-too-busy-earning-my-daily-bread excuses (and there are plenty). What I will do is announce the releasing of episode 7.1 unto the interwebs—my first crack at making good on my New Year’s resolution of actually writing more often. Of course, since I only did seven episodes last year, I’d theoretically have to write a mere eight this year to fulfill my own expectations. Small goals. ;)

Obligatory excerpt:

“There’s good news and bad news,” Mini says to Jan. “The good news is that you’re not dead. Thankfully Robbie’s pedophone had progressive downloading enabled. Your whole body was downloaded in multiple passes of increasing resolution instead of at full-res from top to bottom. Otherwise, you might have materialized on this end a lifeless torso with a smoldering stump where your head should be. Or an upper torso without legs. Or—”

I cut Mini off with a squeeze. “I think he gets the idea.”

The premise: Theo arrives at the shopping plaza to find that Jan has downloaded in one piece. Well, sort of. Read the full episode here.

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Channel 3

Channel games

(Via Amanda Blain.)

I too grew up in an era when…

  • …the only way to properly front-load an NES game was to stuff several slices of Wonder Bread between the cartridge and the upper cabinet.
  • …you had to flip the tape over to finish listening to an album, and the term “Walkman” wasn’t merely a part of speech used by children asking their parents what they listened to before MP3s.
  • …it was okay to be a guy and to wear skintight pink jeans.
  • HBO’s Feature Presentation intro was more fun than the movie it preceded.
  • …texting someone in class meant scribbling a note on a piece of paper and asking the kid sitting next to you to pass it along before the teacher saw.
  • …Jay Leno’s hair was more pepper and less salt.
  • …children asked for actual dogs for Christmas (and not Nintendogs).
  • …you left the TV on overnight during the winter as a cheaper alternative to traditional indoor heating.
  • …Phil Collins was the shit.
  • …Facebook was just a no-no left behind in one of Mark Zuckerberg’s diapers.
  • Omni Magazine still walked the Earth.

The 80′s are dead. Long live the 80′s.

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The Pixel Monster

From the Stranger Things Have Happened department, a new episode of that ridiculous webserial you’ve never heard of has been posted by way of electrified hypertext.

Obligatory excerpt:

I glance at my phone. My SuperMegaNet buddy list is empty. In its place: the word “disconnected,” accompanied by a suicidal-looking emoticon wearing the saddest frown you ever saw. Pushing the app into the background, I try calling Jan, try texting him via good ol’ fashioned SMS—because I want to know if he’s all right, and because I can’t pick him up if I don’t know where he is.

I look at Beta. “Isn’t there something you can do?”

“I could do a search for ‘GPS hacking’ on YouTube,” he suggests.

I frown. “Not helpful.”

The premise: Theo grudgingly teams up with Mini to find Jan…who may or may not still be in one piece on the other end of a botched download. Read the full episode here.

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I can always eat!

I can always eat

(Via TrollingChannel.)

Applies to writers as well. ;)

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LibreOffice: This Is What I See

LibreOffice - This is what I see.

“This is what I see.” —frustratedtech

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