A Sophomore’s To-Do List

Here’s a to-do list that I vaguely remember scribbling in English class, circa 1995, if carbon dating is accurate. (A “+” stands for success, a “-” stands for failure, and a “?” means that I don’t remember what the hell I was talking about.)

  • Finish Funny Faces #42 (-)
  • Put weight set to good use and bulk up to impress Cathy (?)
  • Find four top 40 songs for next week’s radio show (+)
  • Make love to Pamela Anderson (-)
  • Ask God nicely to reincarnate me as Monica Flammer’s leotard if I die in the next 30 days (-)
  • Pass Geometry test (+)
  • Find tree with hole at crotch level; make love to hole (?)
  • Join the tennis team with Phil (-)
  • Steal Quan from A.J. (…)
  • Make love to Quan (-)
  • Start shaving (+)
  • Grow two more inches so that you and Rachel don’t look so lopsided (-)
  • Learn to play guitar (+)
  • Make love to guitar (wtf)

Ah, the aspirations of a loser.