FMyLife: I Have to Go Potty

Someone just recently introduced me to FMyLife.com, and I have to say it’s a fabulous way to burn time. Since I’m too fat and lazy to register for an account, here’s my FML contribution. There’s this cute-as-hell, totally-in-shape gal in my neighborhood who goes jogging every day with her dog. I go for walks every afternoon, so it’s inevitable that we’ve crossed paths several times before. Usually we just smile and say “hello” to each other, but the other day she actually stops to make smalltalk while she takes a breather. At last! My chance to get to know her a little better! Trouble is, I’d gotten a major urge to drop anchor five minutes earlier, and so was literally walking like some random Shaun of the Dead extra, legs squished together, spine bent in all the wrong places, hands stuffed in my pockets and grasping the edges of my underwear, sweat dribbling down my forehead, noxious gasses escaping my every orifice. My jogger angel jogs up to me, smiles prettily, asks me how I’m doing—and I just blast past her, mumbling, “I’m fine” out of the corner of my mouth. FML.

Besides shitting my pants in the presence of beautiful women, I’ve been quietly working on a new screenplay, this one about oatmeal. Pulsar Pictures is turning it into an independent film. You’ll never see another screenplay with as much fiber packed into a hundred pages. ;) That’s about all I can say right now. Some old Colossal Theatre buds will be in it. More info. when I’m allowed to blab…

5 thoughts on “FMyLife: I Have to Go Potty

  1. Abbey ·

    Aww, you shoulda blamed it on the dog! lol

  2. sal p ·

    Didn’t have to be like that. You could have brought a cup! HAHA!!

  3. jesse ·

    I totally should’ve blamed it on the dog. I wonder if the gal can tell her dog’s brand from someone else’s? :p

  4. Megan ·

    Where are you, my little man? :-D

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