The Topless Bikini

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a staunch supporter of the “-less” suffix when added to either the top or the bottom of a woman’s bikini. But can a topless bathing suit really be called a “suit” at this point? Isn’t it just…briefs?

According to the film short, the topless suit is advertised as “Half the Bikini, Twice as Sexy.”

As this is being touted by Victoria’s Secret, I’d say the slogan should be more like, “Half the Bikini, Twice the Price.” I can imagine the department store conversation between a guy and his girl:

“What do you think?” asks the girl, holding up the topless against herself.

“It looks nice,” says the guy, “but where’s the top?”

“There is no top. It’s a topless bathing suit.”

“Hm.” The guy glances at the price tag. “It’s kind of pricey for what it is.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, it’s only half a bathing suit, now isn’t it?”

“No it isn’t,” says the girl.

The guy frowns, takes a two-piece bikini off a nearby rack, holds it up. “See this?” He removes the top from the hanger, tosses it away. “Half the price and just as stylish.”

“That’s not stylish,” the girl says, scowling. “That’s being cheap and buying only half a bikini.”

That’s half a bikini!” the guy insists, jabbing his finger at her.

“No, it’s a complete suit. It’s just topless.”


The girl shakes her head. “‘Half’ is taking a complete suit and throwing away the top to give it the appearance of a topless.”

“Ugh,” sighs the guy. “You’re ridiculous, you know that?”

“And you’re no fun,” sighs the girl. She sets the topless back on the rack and leaves the aisle.

The guy watches her go, and it dawns on him that she’d been about to buy a topless bathing suit.

Shit, he thinks to himself. Should’ve just kept my mouth shut.

On a semi-related note, I wonder, considering the apparent bikini fabric shortage plaguing the women’s fashion industry, if this means Calvin Klein will be putting out a bottomless swim suit for men?

2 thoughts on “The Topless Bikini

  1. Abbey ·

    Love it! Women will buy anything that is in fashion no matter how ridiculous it looks. haha
    Nice Calvin Klein bottomless swimsuit idea. ;)

  2. jesse ·

    I had this discussion with Sal. LOL Crafty gals will simply leave the tops off their 2-pieces…but will still tell their boyfriends they paid for the VS topless model / version. ;)

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