How to Leave Comments On the Internet

How to Leave Comments On the Internet

Steps 4 – 9 are key, and would go a long way toward making the Internet more like a useful information and communication platform—and less like a high school shit-talking party. You know, a shit-talking party: The hottest (and therefore, ironically, the coolest) girls on the cheer leading squad have a sleepover during which quips about fatties, mega-sluts, and sexy asshole jocks are exchanged before the obligatory naked pillow fight. Look it up; it’s in the bitchtionary.

General formulas for my favorite types of Internet comments:

  • “I don’t really know what’s going on, but let me tell you what I think…”
  • “No offense but…” (The word “dick” or “cocksucker” typically follows somewhere after.)
  • “Lame.”
  • “I didn’t read your entire book, Mr. Gordon, but I think it was…”
  • “I haven’t read your book yet, Mr. Gordon, but judging by the title it’s…”
  • “Fuck your mom (Mr. Gordon).”
  • Give her a bigger sex pole tonight – click here now!

And to think just fifteen years ago, before the Internet became mandatory, most of us were still saying these kinds of things to each other’s faces.

2 thoughts on “How to Leave Comments On the Internet

  1. Purple Chimp ·

    Isn’t “I find this difficult to masturbate to” one of the cool new comments that kids love to use nowadays?

  2. jesse ·

    I use that one all the time – although, in true naive fashion, only for when I actually can’t masturbate to something. :p

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