Monthly Archives: December 2011

Kinder Chocolate

The final SuperMegaNet episode of the year—partially inspired by the creepiest chocolate in the world: Kinder Chocolate—has been posted over at that other place. Heart-pounding cliffhanger included.

Obligatory excerpt:

Mini looks at me with that same “I knew that” expression Theo gets whenever he asks an obvious question. After a moment: “You have a cell phone?”

“Sure. Why not?”

“Oh. I just assumed…I mean, no offense, but I didn’t think you could afford one.”

In fact, I can’t afford a cell phone. That’s why this is a prepaid. That’s why it took me two weeks of saving my lunch money to buy a cheap Tracfone from Wal-Mart. When my parents asked me where I’d gotten it from, I told them Theo bought it for me. When they insisted that I reimburse him, I took the money and bought more minutes. That’s how you do it when you’re poor and you don’t want to resort to out and out theft. Like, ski mask and crowbar theft.

The premise: Thanks to city public service’s having towed his parents’ apartment, Jan is now homeless and must figure out how to beg for enough change to ride the bus to Theo’s. Read the full episode here.

Superhero Equations

Superhero Equations

(Via cr8dv8’s tumblr blog thing.)

Using the above as a loose example, here are a few superhero equations of my own:

Social klutz + eyeglasses = Biclops

Competitive waffle-eater + radioactive maple syrup bottle = The Waffler

Related:

Ex-The Waltons star + bowl of GMO oatmeal = Wilford Brimley

R&B singer + cocaine mustache = “Super Freak”

Rich mutant bitch + her father’s platinum card = The Wallflower (This exists: “…a pretty teen mutant that can manipulate the emotions of other people with her pheromones.”)

Wealthy business magnate + barber clippings = Donald Trump

Anyone else have any superhero equations?

There’s a first time for everything…except this.

From the Did You Know? department: I wrote this week’s SuperMegaNet episode in my pimp-ass bathroom…because, with everyone home for the holidays, it’s the only place left where I can actually be alone with my thoughts. And be nude.

Obligatory excerpt:

Ernie’s always ratting on Jan for being poor, but I’m thinking this actually doesn’t look at all like the crumbling, crime-infested poverty zone Theo had imagined—that is, until I reach the Kounicovas’ apartment complex, with its faded fudge exterior, three-quarters-dead lawn, and high-voltage power lines running directly overhead. The whole place looks like someone dropped a gigantic trailer into a muddy lot, and then it rained and the trailer took root and started growing more trailers over time.

The premise: Mini makes a last-ditch attempt to wrangle the gang back together by paying a visit to Jan’s apartment complex, and while there, something totally unexpected happens. Read the full episode here.

Smashwords Co-Authoring Books?

Authored by Smashwords and Jesse Gordon

(The title is tongue-in-cheek, I assure you…sort of.)

I noticed that several of my e-books (SuperMegaNet, Vol. 1, for example) distributed to Barnes & Noble by Smashwords have been listed on the site with “by via Smashwords Jesse Gordon” as the author(s). Have any other Smashwords authors run into this, and do you know if it’s something that can be fixed on Smashwords’ end, or is it a Barnes & Noble thing? Because, as I tweeted earlier:

I’m flattered that @Smashwords wants to be my co-author, but alas I prefer to write alone. ;)

Update 2011-12-11: Barnes & Noble are looking into the situation (see comments below). Let’s hope it’s simply a matter of correcting a typo somewhere—and not anything that will require the chanting of demonic choruses or the summoning of evil spirits…

Update 2011-12-17: It looks like the bylines have all been fixed. Still don’t know exactly what went wrong, but kudos to the Smashwords and Barnes & Noble folks for restoring my good name. :p

People who look like their…

People who look like their dinner:

People who look like their dinner

(Via Laughing Squid.)

People who look like their dogs:

People who look like their dogs

(Via TanMonkey.com.)

And, finally, people who look like their cars:

People who look like their cars

(Via Flickr.)

Bonus image, thanks to the never-ending tangent that is Google Image Search—people who live in their cars:

People who live in their cars

(Via YuRock.)

Me: I wish I lived in my car.

Mitch, the Painfully Literal Genie: Your wish is my command!

*zap!*

Me (peering around the inside of my Geo Metro): This isn’t what I meant…

Theo Likes Me?

New SuperMegaNet episode posted over at that other URL:

Doing this sort of improvised, awkward back roll, I shift into a defensive crouch. “Theo? What are you…?” I pause, glancing down at the floor. The cutest little plush Theo doll has just squeezed its way through the crack beneath the door, and is now toddling toward my bed. Halfway to the point, it stops in its tracks and gawks at my non-existent breasts.

Ugh. Boys. Even in doll form they only have one thing on their minds.

I scowl and quickly put on a T-shirt.

The doll shakes its head, freed from the Siren-like effects of my chest. “Theo and Ernie are in trouble.”

Obligatory spoiler: Basically, Mini spills the beans regarding Theo’s secret crush…and flashes Eva…while making a desperate plea for help. Read the full episode here.

Can you teach me how to use chopsticks…to kill a ninja?

Pigs in Maputo - Things people ask because you are Chinese

(Via Pigs in Maputo.)

I’m not Chinese, but I am Geek, and Geeks are just as over-romanticized. Some things people ask because you’re Geek:

  • Do those glasses hurt your nose?
  • You’re a writer—can you do my term paper for me?
  • Can you fix my computer?
  • Can you install Windows 7 on my uncle’s twelve-year-old Gateway?
  • I dropped my camera into a pot of boiling water while having makeup sex with my boyfriend—can you fix the zoom lens?
  • You look like you know the Pythagorean theorem. Can you fix my computer?
  • Do you watch The Big Bang Theory?
  • Do you prefer Lean Pockets or the regular kind?

(It should be noted that all of the tech-related questions are almost always preceded by, “I can’t pay you, but…” Or followed with, “…for free?”)

What are some things people ask YOU?