Is that a fortune cookie I hear snickering in the shadows?
Dude wearing Metallica T-shirt secretly yearns to scream “dahring dahring prease!” along with quartet of teenage anime girls. The Internet strikes again.
Smashwords’ annual Read an Ebook Week promo dealie kicked off yesterday, which means there are a slew of free and / or severely-discounted e-books at your fingertips, now through March 10:
As it’s an Olympic year, I thought it would be fitting to offer up my novel Heroes’ Day for the price of a kiss—which is more than you’ll get from that Natalie girl down the street. She charges fifty p. Regardless, here’s your chance to read what I was writing before I switched to soulless humor (social science fiction, in this case).
The obligatory blurb:
In the late 21st century, war has become unfashionable. In its place: the Global Ranking System, a means by which the world’s Patriot nations can compete for resources on Heroes’ Day. Monica’s dream is to become a Hero—but no opportunity comes without a price, and she soon finds that in the world of the Patriot elite the slightest misstep can send ripples across the globe.
If this tickles your fancy, grab a copy of Heroes’ Day at Smashwords, and be sure to use coupon code “RE100” during checkout to get it absolutely FREE.
(Via Pleated Jeans.)
My childhood ambitions aren’t that far off:
Profession: Teenage mutant ninja turtle, all the way. (Donnie, to be exact—which makes the panel above so much more accurate.)
Wife: April O’Neil…or her skintight jumpsuit.
Car: A regular dinosaur would’ve been cool, but I always wanted to ride a Dinobot to school. Or Falcor. (Shut up; I was eight.)
Home: I always wanted to live aboard the Enterprise-D, but Castle Grayskull would’ve been a very, very close second.
Best Friend: Hobbes the Tiger.
Backyard would have: …the most bad-ass R/C racing circuit you’ve ever seen.
All dinners would include: …a giant punchbowl filled with Combos snacks.
Kids would be named: Anthony and Johnny (read John Bellairs to get the reference).
If your childhood plans had panned out, what would they be?
The Leviathans. They’re supposedly bigger, badder, and older than the demons ever were, though I haven’t heard a peep from them since Crowley threatened to bake them muffins in “Slash Fiction.” Here are my personal suspicions as to why, with Season 7 now past the halfway point, Supernatural’s viewership is receding faster than Jared Padalecki’s hairline:
- Netflix / the Internet (obligatory).
- Dick Roman is lame. I think he runs a corporation somewhere, golfing on weekends.
- Crowley is MIA.
- Bobby is dead.
- Castiel is dead.
- Dean’s Impala is dead.
- Everyone is dead.
- Season 1’s dark, overly-contrasting color scheme has been permanently retired.
- The Winchesters’ grotesque overuse of the FBI disguise. (Isn’t Dean supposed to hate suits?)
- “Time After Time” (another time travel episode?).
- “Plucky Pennywhistle’s Magic Menagerie” (another clown episode?).
- The absence of Sam’s original Dell laptop.
I might’ve included the fact that Sam’s mental “wall” has gone largely untapped since he managed to get it under control with the erotic palm massage trick, but as of episode 15, it looks like the writers have finally gotten around to addressing the issue. Hopefully it’s not too little too late. And hopefully it doesn’t involve anymore clowns or time travel—or clowns that travel through time.