Ernie blinks at me. “Then…didn’t you violate your laptop by forcing Ubuntu onto it?”
“I installed Ubuntu, if that’s what you mean.”
“And it was consensual? Your laptop accepted it willingly?”
“Well, I had to turn off Secure Boot in the BIOS, and I recompiled the kernel to get basic sound support, but—”
“Rape,” Ernie interrupts, shaking his head.
“I didn’t rape my laptop!” (I can’t believe I just said that out loud.)
“You vicious monster.”
“Go home, Ernie.”