Category Archives: News

Because even Bigfoot shows up if you wait long enough…

Bill Watterson sighting in Pearls Before Swine

(Via Stephan Pastis.)

Recognize the artwork in that Pearls Before Swine second panel? Someone special drew that. Someone without whom countless childhoods spent reading the Sunday paper would have been all for naught. Here’s a hint:

The idea I proposed was that instead of having me get hit on the head, I would pretend that Pearls was being drawn by a precocious second grader who thought my art was crap. I named her “Libby,” which I then shorted to “Lib.” (Hint, hint: It’s almost “Bill” backwards.)

Follow the link, read Stephan’s story…and bask in the awesomeness that is the return of Mr. Bigfoot himself to the daily comics. Sort of.

Happy Towel Day

Don't panic and carry a towel

May 25th, besides being May 25th, is also Towel Day. It’s also the day I posted this link to six life lessons as gleaned from the various utterings of Marvin, the proto-emo robot dude from Douglas Adams’ The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy series.

Happy Towel Day—to which Marvin would no doubt respond, “Oh, not another one.”

Post-gogo

The Oatmeal Man

With just two days until the finish line, it looks like The Oatmeal Man Indiegogo campaign won’t quite reach its original goal of $10,500. The good news is, it has hit its DVD milestone, which means that while we haven’t raised enough funds to get the film onto Netflix, iTunes, Redbox, etc. just yet, our contributors will be getting their shiny, limited edition, two-disc DVD sets come July. A humongous thank-you to each and every one of our honorary Oates who joined the campaign, rallied our high-fiber cause, or otherwise supported this silly little tale about a humble cereal killer and his unsuspecting victims. You rawk.

The movie’s a hard sell; we knew that going in. Manclam, at least, has scientific value. But an oatmeal man? Come on. No one likes oatmeal. To be honest, I didn’t think we’d even get $100—so, it’s a pleasant surprise that we’ve made it this far. Again, props to our backers. And for those who aren’t able to contribute this time around, hang tight: we’re still working on finding a distributor for a wider DVD release in the not-too-distant future.

As there is still a little sand left in the hourglass (two days, as of this writing), here are some links for any last-minute contributors:

Lastly, don’t forget to eat your oatmeal. ;)

The Oatmeal Man Indiegogo Occurrence

(Don’t let the scandalous video thumbnail above throw you: The Oatmeal Man is so much more than just bikini babes. It’s bikini babes and oatmeal. If that sort of thing tickles your fancy, read on…)

Okay, the ADD version: spare some change?

The long version: A few years ago the bro and I started making a comedy / horror movie called The Oatmeal Man. Well, Sean made the movie—I merely compiled the screenplay from bits of copied and pasted Facebook status updates, and showed up on set at inconvenient times to complain about how all my interpretive dance scenes were being misdirected (they were removed from the final cut). Just kidding…maybe. Regardless, we’ve been working on the thing steadily in our spare time, between the ol’ day job(s) and yer good ol’ fashioned familial obligations. Now, thanks to what I can only describe as an amazingly talented group of cast and crew warriors, it’s done. Finally. Principal photography (whatever that means) has been completed, the film has been edited, and all that remains is the pressing of DVDs, the ordaining of a little on-demand distribution.

To that end, we’ve set up an Indiegogo campaign to help raise funds for The Oatmeal Man’s impending release. You can contribute as much or as little as you want. If you don’t want to contribute monetarily, no worries. Share the campaign link on your Facebook or Twitter page—or, and this is what I plan to do, climb into your neighbors’ bedroom windows at night and whisper the campaign URL into their ears repeatedly until the police arrive.

So, there you go. My little “help feed the (oatmeal) children” spiel. The Oatmeal Man isn’t going to win any fancy awards or go down in record book history as Horror Film with the Highest Fiber Content, but it will be fun. It’s a comedy / horror flick for people who like cheese on their TV screen as well as on their pizza. If that gets you salivating, then let’s make beautiful breakfast together.

Just so you know what you’re getting into:

Let’s sow some wild Oates. ;)

The Artist Formerly Known as eBay

The new eBay logo - aka, isn't that the Mobil font?

Bland is the new bold, as is evidenced by eBay’s freshly updated logo.

“We wanted something that would be easy on the eyes,” says Adlai Atkins, eBay’s faux-marketing director, “something noticeable, but not outright memorable. The last thing eBay wants is to become that annoying tune you can’t get out of your head.”

As comically understated as it may seem, however, the new logo is actually pretty slick compared to some of the preliminary concepts that, according to rumor, almost made the cut:

1. “Can’t Breathe”
ebay-simsun

2. “Neu Retro”
ebay-pixely

3. “Comically Sans”
ebay-comic-sans

4. “(Sh)eBay”
ebay-stripper-font

5. “The Artist Formerly Known as eBay”
16-disec3b1o-grafico-logos-08

Look for the new logo to start appearing on eBay’s site in mid-October.

The Oatmeal Man Gets a Date

It looks like The Oatmeal Man, that shitty little comedy / horror movie I wrote several years ago (and which my brother skillfully directed despite my questionable-at-best screenwriting skills), is actually going to be released this Halloween. It should be appearing as part of the 6th Annual Movie Celebration in Columbus Indiana. I was going to say something about the last three years finally paying off, but while checking out the B Movie Celebration site I spotted the poster for Manclam. Manclam is going to be the shit. Fuck our movie. Why? There aren’t any clams in it.

Not-Me: How come you haven’t put out any novels since Heroes’ Day?

Me: I’ve been writing screenplays.

Not-Me: Have any of them been made into movies?

Me: One of them is coming out on Halloween.

Not-Me: Oh? What’s it called?

Me: (hesitant) The Oatmeal Man.

Not-Me: You mean, like, some kind of Wilford Brimley biopic?

Me: No…more like a horror-slash-buddy-flick about a gang of friends who’re terrorized by a Quaker (cue impending lawsuit) oatmeal monster.

Not-Me: Oh.

Disappointment, followed a beat later by hesitant optimism.

Not-Me: But there are clams in the movie, right?

Me: No. You’re thinking of Manclam.

Not-Me: Oh.

I look down.

A tumbleweed rolls by.

Read an Ebook Week

Smashwords’ annual Read an Ebook Week promo dealie kicked off yesterday, which means there are a slew of free and / or severely-discounted e-books at your fingertips, now through March 10:

https://www.smashwords.com/books/category/1/newest/1

As it’s an Olympic year, I thought it would be fitting to offer up my novel Heroes’ Day for the price of a kiss—which is more than you’ll get from that Natalie girl down the street. She charges fifty p. Regardless, here’s your chance to read what I was writing before I switched to soulless humor (social science fiction, in this case).

The obligatory blurb:

In the late 21st century, war has become unfashionable. In its place: the Global Ranking System, a means by which the world’s Patriot nations can compete for resources on Heroes’ Day. Monica’s dream is to become a Hero—but no opportunity comes without a price, and she soon finds that in the world of the Patriot elite the slightest misstep can send ripples across the globe.

If this tickles your fancy, grab a copy of Heroes’ Day at Smashwords, and be sure to use coupon code “RE100” during checkout to get it absolutely FREE.