Tag Archives: comedy

Cake Snot

“My parents are outside.”

“Good—we got back just in time.”

“How’s that good?”

“It’s when they go back inside to check on you, that’s when you have to worry. Out here, they’re distracted by meaningless adult smalltalk. They’re not paying attention to anything but their own silent prayers that Nakayoshi will finally get into his car and drive home for the night. We can sneak in the back way.”

“There is no back way,” I say. “We have a side way.” I point to the side gate that leads into my parents’ backyard.

“Then we hop the fence. Piece of cake.”

“Yeah—a three-hundred-pound piece of cake.” I gesture at Ernie, who gives me the finger—and then proceeds to sneeze frosting. Or maybe it’s just snot. It’s hard to tell in the low light.

Either way: total grossness.

SuperMegaNet, unborn episode

Animatronic Ventriloquism

I don’t have much time for writing these days, but when I do, I like to check in on the comings and goings of Theo and the boys. Ie, a new SuperMegaNet episode has been posted over at the Bermuda Triangle of the Internet.

Obligatory excerpt:

…I quietly and carefully reach into my pocket, pull out an old receipt. I crumble it, toss it over my shoulder.

“What was that?” Jan asks.

“My dignity,” I reply.

“On a piece of paper?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh.” A pause. “Is that an American thing?”

“No,” Mini replies on my behalf. “It’s a pompous southern-Californian thing.”

“It was to make a point,” I clarify.

“It was also littering.”

The premise: Bummed about having to smuggle Ernie, Jan, and Mini home after curfew, Theo finds inspiration in the motivational cornucopia that is Surf Ninjas. Read the full episode here.

Because even Bigfoot shows up if you wait long enough…

Bill Watterson sighting in Pearls Before Swine

(Via Stephan Pastis.)

Recognize the artwork in that Pearls Before Swine second panel? Someone special drew that. Someone without whom countless childhoods spent reading the Sunday paper would have been all for naught. Here’s a hint:

The idea I proposed was that instead of having me get hit on the head, I would pretend that Pearls was being drawn by a precocious second grader who thought my art was crap. I named her “Libby,” which I then shorted to “Lib.” (Hint, hint: It’s almost “Bill” backwards.)

Follow the link, read Stephan’s story…and bask in the awesomeness that is the return of Mr. Bigfoot himself to the daily comics. Sort of.

I thought there’d be pizza…

I thought there'd be pizza...

(Via Dude Perfect.)

I tend to think a lot about life, the universe and everything, and how it all might’ve worked out differently. Not that I’m complaining in the least, but, well…I thought I’d be taller. I thought I’d have mastered the six-pack by now, or, at the very least, enough of the arm, shoulder, and pec areas so as to direct attention away from my abdomen altogether. I thought for sure the 1990’s was enough time for George Lucas and Steven Spielberg to come up with a fourth Indiana Jones film—instead of a twenty-years-later sequel involving UFOs and computer-generated monkeys. I thought that hard work always paid off rather than hard workers getting laid off. I thought we’d have flying cars by the year 2015, thank you very much, Back to the Future. I thought Enterprise would make it past season 4. I thought Windows 8 would be better than Windows 7. I thought the Affordable Healthcare Act meant healthcare would be affordable. I thought muffins were just cupcakes without frosting. I dunno…

…I thought there’d be a lot more, you know, pizza. ;)